Drugged

Semi darkness; semi conscious
I am writing to know this is real
While it howls and it spits outside
Inside is my own storm
Mental madness; mental sadness

I have no immunity
I have an illness
called Lupus.

Sometimes I think I'm imagining it all
that the pain is a figment
the distress my creation
that I'm a fake and a phony
and if I'm not careful
they'll call my bluff -
or is that only wishful thinking?

I laugh in the face of pain
till it laughs right back
in the middle of the night
throbbing in my head, stabbing in my legs
and screwing with my brain

I am in pain
I have an illness
called Lupus.

27 dec 1997