ABOUT A HORSE

About a Horse

The reins put me off. That direct link to slavery. 

A master designing a halter especially for his slave. Adjustable.

And I think the mare knew this. And sensed I was no leader. 

Or maybe she forgot about me, light-boned girl child on her 

inverted lap. All she heard was the lowing of a distant cow, 

and some nascent memory of her own made her bolt. 

It’s always been this way. I signal weakness.

You don’t need to be human 

to know I am scared of you. 

You can be animal too. 

There were many of us there that day.

But when it was you bolting, and me 

clinging on, my fingers in your mane, my thighs 

gripping your haunches, where did they go? 

Where were you going? 

How did we survive?

The irony was this: we had come to the end of our time 

together. We had had our neat and tidy

trot around the rough red tracks, and now we were gathering 

to part. My brothers had had their gallops (they preferred 

gallops, I did not; you were chosen for your sedate pace)

and I was ready for solid ground

but

I was tied to you: my feet in your stirrups. I was already leaning, 

arms outstretched for the lifting up, over, down

when you decided to run.

How long do horses live? You were a hill station, holiday 

treat horse. You were real; there is a picture of us. 

I was always scared. You were always gentle. 

Until that day. 

I wish I could remember your name. But what then? 

You never knew mine - did you?

Did I call out your name when I begged you to 

stop? You heard nothing, it seemed, only wind,

and whatever was driving you on. Did you hear

me scream, Bachao! Bachao! because I could see 

hill station women, babies wrapped snug, safe 

in their mother’s arms, and I was, you were,

thundering further and further from mine?

It wasn’t my mother who saved me. Or a stranger’s. 

It was you. All I had to do was hold on

until you ran out of fear, and I heard your heartbeats

allargando, adagio, adagissimo. Last week, I thought of you 

during a Beethoven concert, and talked about you 

in the interval, and tried to convey something of our ride 

into nothingness and how everything became clear 

when you finally cantered to a halt.

He found us there, your trainer, but I can’t remember my rescue. 

You were docile by then, chewing wild grass by the verge, 

acting as though nothing had happened,

as though you often ran for your life, and to your 

death: a ritual

you practiced for some final victory.

© Shaista Tayabali, 2015

Entered in dverse poets pub for their Open Link night and will also be published on herstory blog.