HOW TO RECONCILE

I write my experience in sand this time,
wanting it forgotten - not like last time,
every day recorded in verse and flower, 
a memory scripture to treasure.

Older now, none the wiser now,

just swimming in the current of me,

a current of one, in the ocean of all - 

more scared now, knowing how far the fall.

In some ways, it is all the same.

Gold dust on white blossom, still plump,

and yet, already, the slow drift

to green grass, to soft earth, to winter down.

The nuns have so much to remember,

like nurses, saving lives. They need the bell

even more than we do, us, temporary retreatants,

fleeing our worlds, escaping to theirs.

Breathing in, I am breathing with my father's back.

Breathing out, I breathe with my father's lungs.

I invited my father to join, but he declined,

knowing I would bring him in, anyway.

It's harder for some. No light or ease,

but the bells toll on, anyway. 

The birds are here, the birds are there -

my cup of tea grows cold, again.

Mother breathing in with me,

mother breathing out with me.

I want both things at once.

To choose is to lose. Something. Sometimes.

Can anything stay a secret?

And still we try so hard to hide.

Suddenly, the flood gates open. 

Everyone cries. 

The gold is gone now. Soon,

Sister Tea Cake will sound the bell

for final goodbyes. Everyone cries.

Sometimes.

Present moment, wonderful moment.

Thây is still alive. Smile.

Be still and heal.

Reconcile.

@Shaista Tayabali, 2021

shared with Dverse Poets Pub
Written during Reconciliation Retreat,
Lower Hamlet, Plum Village

Here is a wonderful and very recent TED talk by Sister True Dedication, which you might enjoy...